"I am not sure why I stopped writing. Writing helped me look back at how God works in my life. A lot has happened since my last post. God has moved in ways that our human mind cannot understand. I tend to see the negative in life more than the positive in life, that's my one big downfall; and because of my small group leader I learned it's because of my temperment. Now with God's help I can make the most of my downfall. The best thing in this valley is that it has increased my faith."
I wrote the above back in 2010 and wow have my views changed. I no longer have faith or trust in my faith. I don't see God's work in my life. I am the same angry, unhappy, and grumpy person I have always been. I keep reading about "God's will" an "God's timing" and I'm not sure what that means. There are so many people just like me and with little hope in sight for anything to change, I don't get it. I don't get all the biblical things I was taught since the day I was born, I don't get why so many people suffer if God created us for fellowship with Him. I don't get the evil that goes on in His creation, I don't get it. Was I blind before? Was I brainwashed? What's right or wrong? My mind can not understand.
I know I sound like I'm rambling, maybe I am. I am so confused about where I should be in life. I am confused about my walk in God and in my own life. Above I wrote about my temperament being the reason I am who I am but is that just an excuse. I can't make the most of my downfall because I don't see the light at the end of tunnel.
Marisol
