When my girls were very young they loved their Barbies and then came the Brat dolls. After they were done playing, if their Barbie shoes were in box with the Brats shoes it would drive me crazy. So, once I was done scolding them, I took the joy out of their playtime. This behavior was a constant for me. I knew everything I owned and where everything should be placed. I not only harassed my babies, I harassed my husband, and harassed everyone who walked in my path. What did my behavior produce?? It pushed everyone I loved away from me. They feared me and not in reverence. They were afraid to do anything wrong because they didn't want to deal with me. There was no true fellowship. And for me, it made me hard and hard on myself because I pursued perfection in everything and everyone. Seeking perfection brought me to a place of anxiety and anxiety caused me make bad choices and actions.
I am speaking completely of myself when I speak of OCD - Out of Control Disaster. I know OCD (obsessive–compulsive disorder) can be a very real disorder. I know I suffer from it and now I am being freed from it. Although I had been letting things go in the past few years, in my mind I was still hanging on. I don't know what was worse dealing with OCD in my mind or physically, either way it made me miserable. and it has brought me where I am today.
- I John 1:8-10 If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us. 9If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness. 10If we claim we have not sinned, we make him out to be a liar and his word has no place in our lives.
So where am I today? In a place of learning and change. It's all about change, accepting responsibility for my actions, recognizing my failures, and giving it all to God. I am in a place where I have been convicted and I am repentant. It's an everyday "thing", every morning, every hour, every evening, and sometimes every minute I give it God. He uses it as an opportunity to work in me and isn't that what it's all about. He has the answers all we have to do is trust Him.
- Psalm 9:10 Those who know your name will trust in you, for you, LORD, have never forsaken those who seek you.
I am far from where I need to be, everyday I am one step closer to my destiny, to my goal, and to my Father God.
Remember: Let it go and Let God. Life is too short to sweat the small stuff and it's not worth losing a minute of your precious time to the unnecessary. Instead enjoy every minute living your life through the way God designed you to be, peaceful. The LORD gives strength to his people; the LORD blesses his people with peace. Psalm 29:11
Marisol
you're not the only one who's ever suffered from OCD...like that term...I try to remember that OCD just means lack of trust in God, because when you suffer from control-freak-itis as I do, it means I haven't been trusting God to lead me. Keep the faith!
ReplyDeleteAngie